Thoughts on a tough year:
Through the pandemic, I have followed the teachings of my dear friend & ashtanga instructor Diana @pacificashtanga, a small business owner who was challenged by this year & has shifted beautifully. She offers donation-based weekly teachings, low-cost workshops, & has been a constant light in a year filled with darkness.
In the self-study workshops, we discussed how to handle dark & difficult things. Whether the worry, the fear, the hard time is real, imagined, or inflated, she encouraged us to hold that difficult thing in one hand. Sit with it, experience it, feel it. Then, in the other hand, hold three things that are also true but are positive and bring you happiness or joy. Sit with those things, feel them, take them into your heart.
It’s another version of a gratitude practice, but it’s been really powerful for me. What I’ve found is that not only does it lighten the load of the difficult thing, it also has allowed me to see so much gray.
I have always been a very black & white person. Something is either right or wrong, good or bad. You’re either following the rules or you’re breaking them. But with this practice, I have been able to see the negative and the positive exist together. And I’m noticing how often it happens.
Maybe this isn’t a revelation to anyone else, but it’s really been eye-opening for me.
No person is all good or all bad. Not even Donald Trump or Nancy Pelosi. (*gasp*) The right thing for you may be the wrong thing for a close friend. A bad decision for you may be a good one for your sister. Even in the worst situations, there are so many positive things that exist at the same time. You’ll find them if you look.
So while it may be funny to tell 2020 to “not let the door hit you on the way out”, I am going to be thankful for the things I learned because of what 2020 was: challenging, heartbreaking, eye-opening, thought-provoking, and at times wonderful. I will be forever grateful for the time with my husband, my kids, my dogs, myself, my pod, my mom, my students. Because of 2020, I was forced to take a step back and with that step, I am choosing to get closer to who I want to be.
